Friday, July 25, 2008

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How has God shown himself to you this week?

The Lord had an awesome message for me this week, which came through my pastor Sunday morning. Pastor Jeff is preaching on "Giants" in our lives and the first one (in his series) is "INADEQUACY".
Boy that word just rang out in my ears for a good while before it actually clicked in my brain that THAT is what i've been dealing with over the last few months. Actually, if I want to be completely honest with myself, i've been wrestling with it all my life. Inadequacy is a hot button for the evil one. It is a weakness in me that goes straight to the core of my being and satan knows how to hit it & uses it to hurt me deeply.

I had never been able to put a name to what had been going on inside of me before. It was inadequacy - unworthyness. Finally, a word & a definition. It excited me to be able to finally unveil the one secret weapon, the Giant that satan had been hiding from me & using against me all this time.

Pastor Jeff's message said:
- The enemy wants to intimidate you and tell you that you can't win.
- If you embrace inadequacy you will welcome the mindset of unworthyness.
* Inadequacy, if not removed, will make you miserable.

Finally some truth's. I recognized those words as truths, because I had been living them. I had been miserable & felt unworthy. I felt like a spotlight was on me, because this message was written and specially delivered to me that morning. Almost as if the Lord himself was standing on that podium talking directly at me.

Then our pastor gave us 3 Truths to Remove Inadequacy:
1) Jesus Notices Me (give us attention)
- the deepest expression of love is attention!
**** STOP GAINING YOUR WORTH FROM OTHERS AND DEPEND ON GOD FOR YOUR WORTH!! ****

That one was like a sledgehammer to my chest. I felt all the air escape with that one. I have always tried to gain my worth through others. Whether it by my parents, friends, my singing talent, other mothers, the church - it was always someone or something else.

2) Jesus Lifts Me Up - Isaiah 49:16
3) Jesus Wants Me

After he finished the 3rd point my mind wondered off and I sat looking back over my notes. Here it is, in black & white, the ONE THING - THE GIANT that has caused me to feel unworthy, unloved and unnoticed all of my life. It was a Giant that was given to me by my family and I had accepted it and held onto if for dear life all of this time.

The Lord was saying see, here it is, here is what you have allowed to stand in between you and I. this is what you have held onto and have yet to give over to me. I want this burden, I want this Lie of inadequacy and unworthiness. Give it to me! You are of worth to ME, I Want You and I Need You. I have so many great things for you. You are the woman & mother I made you to be. You are loved, I LOVE YOU.

Tears began to well up in my eyes. And the flood gates were opened, I couldn't contain them anymore. I began to sob. It took all I had to keep it quiet. (because it was one of those deep in the stomach sobs where you gasp for air audibly. I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep the gasping from being heard through out the sanctuary.) It felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and the Lord knew and understood the load of shame and unworthiness that I had been carrying around on me all this time. He wanted it and I was happy to give it to Him. Because I didn't want this Giant to stand between us anymore. I didn't want satan to be able to use this weapon against me any longer.

It has been a long time coming, but now I feel armed & ready to be able to recognize this giant of inadequacy when the evil one tries to use it on me. I will seek after & go to the Lord for my worth, instead of other people or things. I know that I am of worth & value to Him and I know that I am loved and needed. I don't need to search for approval or attention from anyone else other than Him. Praise the Lord that He loves us so much that He takes the time to speak to us and reveal to us the area of our lives that cause us pain and those areas that we have yet to give fully over to Him. This is how the Lord spoke to me this week and I pray that it is an encouragement to you as well.

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7 comments:

Patty said...

What an encouragement!!! WOW!!

I hung on every word and I praise God for slaying that giant in your life. I think I have had the giant of I am not smart enough for God is calling me to do. This has helped me today as I have read your post!!
Praise God for the work He is doing in your life. I can't wait to read what great things he has for you!!
Have a great weekend.
Blessings,
Patty

Anonymous said...

MAN!!!! That IS what we were talking about the other day!!!!!
That is GREAT and I think most women probably deal with feeling inadequate at some point. Result of the fall. You should write a book...women need to hear this stuff. (And men too...) :)
Love,
Your Dear, Sweet, Little Friend - Kojak. Or Erin.

Anonymous said...

That is wonderful what you wrote and what you discovered about yourself and God. It has been very uplifting to read today and I can relate to the feeling of unworthyness I guess we all may have at times. What a great realization that God can overcome this Giant and that he does love us and made us just the way we are!!
Have a great weekend!!!
Sincerely,
Kim

Anonymous said...

Bless you! Thank God for all the wonderful work He is doing in your life!

Anonymous said...

Wow!!!! That is great!!!! I wish the Lord would talk to me that way.

Nadia

Left Field said...

That is wonderful that he talks to you. I can never seem to hear him and I want to so much.

Crayl said...

Beautiful post, beautiful life "AHA!" moment.
2 timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline.

I see this in your blogging. Powerful post,about a powerful sermon.